Star Wars - Edge of the Empire

Paid Less Than Caster Troy

It's a living


I put the X-14 DeepKleen Magna Cleaner on the shelf above and slightly to the right of the mop and I folded each towel down the crease, just like she likes it. She didn’t notice. I can tell she notices Haal, though. Why do the captain and that clone trooper reject get all the girls? I owe the captain my life and he seems like a great guy, but, I mean, he’s a duros. He might be really attractive for a duros, but how could you even tell? And Vitaly looks like someone scraped the paint offa Z-95 with his face. I don’t get it. Wish I had my own ship.

She looks so good when she’s scrubbing like that. I gotta look away before she notices I’m staring.

Why? Why am I always being shot at? Feels like it’s tearing the ship apart, but they haven’t hit us yet, I know what that feels like. There goes the captain. Fucking hero. Wish I had my own – Fuck! That was close! We need to take off now!

I don’t know why we haven’t taken off yet, but I’m sure the captain has a plan. He always does. Please have a plan. Another blast way too close to the ship. It’s the droids again, I know it. Psychopaths. Not even human. I worked with N4660R for over a year and then he tells me he’s going to paint mining shaft TT15 a lovely shade of chestnut with my liver. Like, how does he even know what color my liver is? Brrrrr. He always preferred 10W-30 for his knees, but said it was too strong for his elbows. How do I even remember that? WHY IS THE LOADING RAMP DOWN?!

It’s motherfucking Yara. And that fucking one-armed nutcase who doesn’t do anything, but drinks all our booze, I can’t remember his name. At least Vitaly actually works. He’s carrying something and shouting. It’s one of those cloners and it looks hurt. They’re running or limping, can’t really tell, through blaster fire, leading the droids straight towards the ship.

A rope? Yeah, you can have a rope, even though that’s the dumbest plan ever and it will totally never work. But if I disengage the safety and push past the standards for the cargo hold’s emergency mass accelerator, I may be able to decrease her infall time if she jumps. Jump Yara! Fuck, she’s gorgeous. Dammit, I’m saving her first. Why the hell is that nutjob pulling out handcuffs?

Everyone on board. Going to vomit again. Had to really burn the lifesupport’s localized gravity to get them in here and it’s like a 20 fake whiskey hangover on a rollercoaster. No, it wasn’t your stupid rope, asshole, but I can’t tell him that because I’m vomiting. Awesome. Why aren’t they affected? Looks like the illegal power drain I created tore through the sensors. Sorry, Haal. No, I don’t know where the fuck Vitaly is, but you’re welcome. But I can’t speak, so I just shake my head and hold back the rest of lunch and breakfast.

Vitaly again? Can’t you see I’m shaking my head? Man, I hate that guy, even if he isn’t a totally useless one-armed nutcase.

Loading ramp finally closes and we take off. Just lucky to be alive.



Best diary entry ever. Why does he keep it on the ships systems that are my domain? Maybe he needs a datapad. At least Vader doesn’t want him dead.

Paid Less Than Caster Troy

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